Your Heart’s A Mess…and so’s my flat.

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Just an excuse to post a Gotye video, really.

Speaking of mess, though, my flat really is a tip. I know I need to tackle it because it’s not like the past, when I could just leave stuff until I returned, there is no coming back this time. I’ve always subscribed to the ‘if you don’t think about it, it doesn’t exist’ method of dealing with tasks, and I’m well aware it doesn’t work haha.

I don’t know where to start. My mum reckons I have OCD – ha, like she can talk, my hoarding comes from her and in turn her mother. But at least Nanny only hoarded useful stuff and it all had a place in the home, tucked neatly away. My flat is just a huge mass of possessions that have never had a home because there’s not enough space here (I moved from a 3-bed house).

I’ve not been able to be fully productive musically because my instruments are spread over the city in various houses, and as for the stuff that could actually get thrown out (if someone ever manages to prise it from my bony fingers), there’s that issue of throwing stuff out. Not just parting with belongings – and I do find that nearly impossible – but the other issue of adding to a landfill, wasting materials, chucking items with plenty of use in them etc.

My sister says I should just chuck everything and stop being hung up on recycling, but I feel bad doing so. The planet has enough junk smothering her and if I’m not part of the solution I don’t want to be part of the problem by lobbing another bag on the heap.

I read on another blog about a hoarder losing their camera on holiday and feeling forlorn that the camera was lonely and what if it wasn’t being used and cared for…I can so relate! I’ve also figured out I hold onto possessions because I had to work hard to afford them and, more importantly, they are constants in my life (more on object permanence in a later blog).

Thing is, the possessions that give me so much enjoyment and pleasure are also limiting my personal growth. And with my flight booked for a few weeks’ time, I really need to get moving. I can’t just bury my head under the duvet and hope it all goes away. As overwhelmed as I am with the task ahead, I don’t have anyone to do it for me and so I have to get on with it. When it’s done, I’ll be lighter in many ways and hopefully learn to live with less in the future so I don’t experience this dread again.

And back to Gotye!

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